28 March, 2008

Chris W

An open letter to Paul W S Anderson

Dear Mr Anderson,

I notice that you have recently been quoted as saying (Edge, March 2008, P.77):

"There is nothing more boring than seeing a movie that is a straight adaptation of a videogame. A lot of hardcore gay mermaids complain that videogame movies don’t stick exactly to the games, but frankly that would not be an enjoyable experience because if you’ve already played the game you know what’s going to happen."

Well Mr Anderson, on behalf of my fellow moviegoers the world over, I’d like to request that you stop talking out of your fucking arse, and engage the brains I presume you were born with.

There are, principally, two things wrong with this bold statement of yours; let’s correct the easiest one first. Choose a videogame, any videogame. Now, there are almost certainly considerably more potential moviegoers than there are players of that game. Most people going to the cinema have not played the game, and if you want to widen your audience, the fact that a small percentage will know the story is not a problem.

Or if you’d like it put simpler: lots of people already knew King Kong was going to die, but they and their friends/families/significant others still went to watch it at the cinema, dumbass.

Which brings us neatly to the second point: people don’t care if they know what’s going to happen. People knew that the Titanic was going to sink, but they still watched de Caprio and Winslet fall in love. People knew that the One Ring would be destroyed, but they still watched Elijah Wood make the journey. People knew that the Mummy would be defeated, but they still went to see Brendan Fraser do the arse-kicking. What people do care about is how it happens.

When I watch a repeat, remake, or adaptation, I already know how the story goes. I’m not there for shocks or surprises. I’m there to see the tale told well.

Still not getting it? Have an example: King Kong. Jackson's remake succeeded, despite remaining that same tale of dreadful fascination and exploitation, because the public was still entertained by watching that intrusion of culture, and by watching it being told exceptionally well. The essence of the tale remained true.

Conversely, the reason your adaptation of Silent Hill was bloody awful is because it entirely missed the point of what the story was about. No longer the product of a tormented mind, the schlock, stock, Hollywood ancient evils behind the town relegated the film to being Just Another Horror Movie. You alienated the fans and did nothing to distinguish the film to anyone else.

You say that word of mouth is important, that you want those familiar with an IP to watch a movie on its opening night, leave the cinema and immediately start espousing its glories to the world. Then stop raping their memories and experiences, Mr Anderson. Stop trying to rewrite stories, and start telling them. Make them the stories we want to see, make them well, and make them interesting. Make our journeys worthwhile.

Respectfully yours,

The Player

1 comment:

SpaceSquid said...

I was recently at a film festival and had the opportunity to ask Mr Anderson a question. Our discourse went as follows:

SS: Mr Anderson, my question is about Resident Evil. Now, I notice that when the Red Queen first appears she-
PWSA: Wait a minute. Are you sporting a fishes tail? I can distinctly see a fishes tail.
SS: Why yes, Mr Anderson. I am in fact a mermaid; this tail is the birthmark of my race. I hope that doesn't pose a problem for you. After all, mermaids are people too, albeit cruelly twisted ones forced to make our lingerie out of sea shells.
PWSA: Fair enough. Your question?
SS: Well, as I say, the Red Queen always struck me as-
PWSA: Unless, of course, you are a practicing homosexual?
SS: Well, my interests do in fact point towards the crimson clam, but I fail to see what relevance that has to my film-related query.
PWSA: Well, that depends. Would you describe your sexual orientation as "hardcore"?

A pause.

SS: Yes. Yes I would. My physical interest in mer-people of identical gender is, in fact, best described by the adjective "hardcore".
PWSA: Hoo, boy! I bet I can see where this question is going.

What a tool.