Gonzo

Spike TV Awards, Get the Fuck Out.


It's not that Spike TV made Bioshock their Game of the Year- that accolade was entirely justified, if you ask me- it's the sheer embarassment of the categories that gets me.

I mean, what must Samuel L Jackson have thought, privately, at the following list?

Best shooter; Best action game (which was won by, er, Mario Galaxy...); Best rhythm game; Best RPG; Best driving game; Best military game; Best graphics; Breakthrough technology; Best PS3 game (easiest...category... everrr); Best Wii game; Best Xbox 360 game; Best PC game; Best individual sports game Best team sports game(Oh for FUCK's Sake); Best handheld game; Best game based on a movie or TV show; Best soundtrack; Best original score; Best multiplayer game;

and... wait for it: "Most addictive game": Halo 3.

This is so grating for anyone who takes games semi-seriously, like yours truly (yeah, I know I shouldn't, but I do). The smartest game in a long time (that's bioshock BTW okay no STFU you know nothing) gets recognition from... yet another dumb "awards show".

I'm not even railing at the PR-coloured tint of these awards shows- after all, most movie, TV, and music industry awards perform much the same function. It's just that only in videogames will you find quite so shameless a saturation of categories Just To Please Everybody. Action, Shooter, and Military game make three categories out of what should only be one. Best Score and Best Soundtrack, Individual sports and team sports. Seriously, now, what?

I'm not even that bothered by the patent nonsense thrown up by the results. Bioshock , out on 360 and PC, is GOTY without being the best shooter or the best action game. It's not the most addictive game either. While it is the best game on 360, you'll notice that The Orange Box is the better PC game - though somehow not quite Game of the Year for it.

The real issue is why each genre must have an award. What's wrong with games getting recognised for Script, Score, Art Direction(photography), Original Game Design, Technological Achievement (Special Effects) and, I don't know, Sound Effects. All the important constituant parts of a good game. Pick out one shorty and an independent out of the bunch, and turn the travesty that is "Game of the Year" into a recognisable achievement for any Project Lead for how his game fared against criteria like polish, production values, voice acting, completeness of experience and the like.

Then we could stop arguing about the categories so much, and start railing against the divvies who have Bioshock picked for most of these new & improved award categories. I'd definitely be one of them. In fact, maybe I should start the "Gonzo" awards. Yes, as a matter of fact I will.

THE GONZO FATWA AWARDS 2007, Coming Soon, with Special Guests Salman Rushdie, Suzi Quatro and my Mom.