Not Ian

Crazy Cash-In

You've probably guessed exactly what this game is like. And you'd be right. (Assuming you guessed that it was a compilation of the first two DC Crazy Taxi games ported over to UMD with some half-hearted extras thrown in. And you hadn't mistakenly thought it was an exciting new game about cool-looking space pirates sailing the Galaxy in search of intergalactic bounty or something). Driving round virtual New York and San Francisco like a loon is still fun. But looking back you can't help but feel Sega missed a trick. The laid-back sunshiner disposition of the drivers is disappointing in retrospect. Especially when there was so much promise that the second New York-set game would feature a bug-eyed paranoic De Niro style figure.

"You wanna go to the baseball stadium, huh? Yeah, I know your type. You just want me to take you to that disgusting semen-smeared Porno Theatre again dont'cha? Well no way buster, I'm not going back to that. Get outta my fucking cab you scumbag, don't let me see round here again. One day a real rain's gonna fall pal!" ...etc.

It's also similarly surprising to see a lack of migrant workers in the New York cabbie ranks, after all most New York drivers are illegal aliens. Illegal aliens in New York. As tantric-shagger extrodinaire Sting would say. Despite both of these missed opportunities the game is still a hoot. Except for the fucking Offspring of course, their tuneless gibbering cod-punk is still shite. But thanks to this new PSP version you can stream your own choons off a memory stick. Who said Sega had no good ideas left in them? Unfortunately the game doesn't prolong the enjoyment as long as the fuckmeister Sting can prolong his orgasms. Sting 1 Sega 0.