Not Ian

Strange Idols - Felt

Felt were an eighties indie band who very few people I know have actually heard of. Usually I'd be quite happy with that, being cooler than them and all that bollocks, but in this case it makes me rather sad, because Felt deserve better. Conceived by singer/songwriter Lawrence (second name unused), as the self-proclaimed 'perfect package for an angst-riden generation' they lasted ten years, released ten albums and ten singles. They made numerous fuck-ups and bizarre choices over those ten years but trudged on, even when the pop superstardom they naively chased sailed off into the distance with their girlfriends and dreams in tow. Spectacular failures you might say, and what music fan doesn't love one of those?

Felt's history of falling at the final hurdle was as brilliant as it was hilarious. They messed up an industry showcase that may have nabbed them a major-label record deal after Lawrence decide he needed to 'relax more' and dropped a tab of acid half-an-hour before due onstage. After several songs he asked for the house lights to be turned down and started to admonish the audience for 'looking at me', the band left the stage shortly afterwards, but not before a seven or eight minute unintentional instrumental in which Lawrence found himself unable to accurately judge when he should start singing the first verse.

1986 saw the band on a moderate high, having signed to up-and-coming indie label Creation Records (later home to Oasis and other more talented groups). Naturally Lawrence decided the first record released on Creation would be an album of short organ-led instrumentals entitled 'Let The Snakes Crinkle Their Heads To Death'. Many said that album killed their career but Felt refused to give in and picked themselves up again for a fabulous record entitled 'Forever Breathes The Lonely Word' just a few months later. It flopped, naturally.

Lawrence retreated into his flat in Birmingham where he cultivated a reputation as 'the cleanest man in rock', the titles of ' 'craziest man in rock', 'most moderate man in rock' and all other 'man of rock' type-awards having been presumably taken years ago. Interviews consisted of weird musings such as 'I'd like a girlfirend, not to talk to, just to walk around the flat naked' and a few questions about the singer's anti-septic lifestyle. The band were duly written off as oddballs.

But still, Felt got back in the saddle and raised themselves for one final attempt at the bigtime at 1987's Glastonbury, where they managed to blag themselves a high-profile spot on the bill after claiming to have the use of Pink Floyd's lighting rig. In truth they had one bulb that may, once have belonged to the Floyd, in amongst many others that almost certainly hadn't, but even this inspired chicanery backfired. Things went wrong for them again when they found themselves virtually inaudible for the first half of their set, due to shoddy roadie-ing. The cleanest man in rock shrugged his shoulders, waded his way through the muddy fields of Glastonbury in his shiny new shoes, and headed back to obscurity. Of his time as the mainman of Felt he said, "Being the leader of Felt was like carrying a sack of coal on my back".

If this whole thing sounds like I'm taking the piss then you're wrong. I'm just trying to get people interested in this great band. If you have your ears correctly attached you'll almost certainly appreciate the quality of music they produced. But I have to go through all this legend making bullshit just to get anyone to listen.

I could go into the details of what the band sound like and who they influenced or were influenced by, but that would have been boring. And a bastard to write, no doubt.

Not Ian Recommends:

Albums:

The Splendor Of Fear (1984)
The Strange Idol Pattern And Other Short Stories (1984)
Ignite The Seven Candles (1985)
Forever Breathes The Lonely Word (1986) - seriously, this is fantastic
Poem Of The River (1987)
The Pictorial Jackson Review (1988)
Stains On A Decade (Compilation, 1992)
Bubblegum Perfume (Compilation, 1990)

Choons (if you just want to download a track to see what Felt are like):

Spanish House
Down But Not Yet Out
Primitive Painters
Ballad Of The Band
Penelope Tree
I Will Die With My Head In Flames
Space Blues
Crystal Ball
The Day The Rain Came Down
Textile Ranch
Evergreen Dazed
All The People I Like Are Those That Are Dead
The World Is As Soft As Lace


As a sidenote - Lawrence actually wrote the songs for 90's gobby girl-power heroes/fuckwits Shampoo under the pseudonym 'A. Con'. His assualt on pop music finally staged, he retreated back into the sidelines with Go-Kart Mozart his main focus these days.