25 July, 2007

mike

Activists are the fuck

I received hate mail today, for the first time ever. I'm not talking "lol, u guys suck" internet hate, or even the type of hate I get from wearing a Le Tissier shirt around Fratton. No, I'm talking real "I am going to fucking kill you" hate mail.

At lunch time I received a phone call from the security guard at my work, asking me to come in to collect a letter. I walked there, picked up the letter and noticed the address - the intended was a Mr. "Zoo Manager"

Yes, that's right. Zoo Manager. Evidently someone had been reading this and got a tad angry. They saw fit to cut it out the of the newspaper, right threats around the margin and send it to China.

For those who are curious, the following is the full address:

Zoo Manager
Xi'an Zoo
China

On the envelope was a UK stamp and Royal Mail Air Fare sticker. Inside was the article in question. And here's the thing: Hate mail fucks you up, it really does. It was one of the single most horrid experiences of my life, knowing that someone harbored this much hate, and I do mean HATE. Good job I'm not the Zoo manager.

To clarify, the letter was given to me. I said it wasn't addressed to me but, being the only whitey in the park (the address haven been written in English), it must have been for me - it was the Zoo park after all. It was only after I opened it that I realised who it was for; the Zoo manager for the Wildlife Park over a hundred miles away.

This is what happens when you don't use the internet, people. The place I lived stopped being a Zoo about 6 years ago. To add comic insult to injury, the guard, who is learning English, started reading the bile in the margin one. word. at. a. time.

"The"

"Chinese"

"Are"

"The"

"Most"

"Cruel"

And so on. Animal Cruelty is bad, it seems, but racism is the MO of the fucking unstable. On the off chance that one of the people reading this is the fuck that sent me that - be a doll and add your address next time. Quite seriously, you fucked up my day good and proper, and it wasn't great to start with. Animal Activists are the fucking scourge of the earth - Activists, not campaigners - people with a skewed sense of reality and a complete disregard for human life.

Do I think the story in question was a good one? No. Do I like Chinese Zoos? No, they're shitholes. Is China the most cruel and barbaric country on the face of the earth? No, it ain't. It's nowhere near.

Below is the address of the Zoo proper, next time you feel the need to get all worked up by an article in a hate rag:

Zoo Manager!!!!!!
Qinling Zoo
Quinling Mountains
Xi'an
Shaanxi Province
China

That'll do, the letter will get there. They also have a monkey that is addicted to smoking, parrots that ride unicycles and delirious apes. Bet you're real pissed now, fuckers.

4 comments:

Dean said...

Was there a return address?

Anonymous said...

Nope, it was a hit-and-run. You know, the type when you write a hate message to a manager in a foreign country in a language he doesn't understand in the hope his secretary, who may or not know English, will translate it for him.

You know, THOSE sort o' things.

Not Ian said...

Was there faeces on it?

I guess what I'm asking is: Have you got my hate mail with faeces smeared on it yet?

That chinese postal service is a joke.

Anonymous said...

I feel really bad (actually, I don't give a fuck. Sorry) but I laughed so hard at the picture in that article.