dean

Welcome to the jungle, bitch

What bothers me most, is that real people are playing Pokemon. Yeah, I'll let the kids have their fun collecting and battling furry little creatures, but seriously, how the fuck are men in their 30's actually getting any satisfaction out of this game?

I'll admit to having played the original back in 2000 on the GBA. I think I had Pokemon Blue, and I have some fairly decent memories of playing that game. My Dad and I went on a trip to France, and as a gift for the journey, he bought me a Gameboy colour. To go with the Gameboy, I picked up Pokemon, and away we went. We did a lot of driving, and I only had Pokemon blue and Space Invaders to keep me occupied when I should really have been enjoying the beautiful south of France.

Oh well.

That was years ago.

I've not been able to touch a Pokemon game since, and I've not felt the need. However, the recent hype surrounding the latest Pokemon games, Diamond and Pearl, had me a little...interested.

I was hearing hype from adults. Not just any adults; adults who actually have sex. With women.

So, for the sake of journalism, I wandered over to the illustrious Metrotown Mall, and procured a copy of Pokemon: Diamond for the Nintendo: DS. It should have cost me $44.99, but I managed to get it for free, because Im a clever son of a bitch, and I like to steal.

Only kidding kids, I traded in 'Generic FPS' for it. Gonzo says it's shit. It needs not be on my shelf.

So I didn't get around to playing it yesterday, you know, being busy with life. So this morning, after wrapping up the podcast, I jumped back into bed with my wife, who happened to be reading, and booted up the old DS.

Why the fuck did I bother?

I wont go into too much detail, because I cant, but the game hasnt changed. At all.

Nothing is different. You start off in the same town, with the same story, with the same Pokemon, same graphics, same sound, same enemies...

Fuck.

"What about the new Pokemon?"

Fuck the new Pokemon! They haven't changed in eight fucking years! Its still the same furry little fuck, albeit with a new earlobe.

Why are you people falling for this?

As mentioned, this game is perfect for kids. If I had a seven year old kid, I would rush out, buy him a pink (Im open) DS and a copy of Pokemon, and allow him to enjoy himself. It truly is a great title they have for that type of consumer.

You get to hunt, dig, collect, chat, battle, and play all to your hearts content. It's perfect for the little players out there.

So what about anyone over the age of 16? What the fuck is your excuse? Why is the game so enjoyable that you feel compelled to spend nearly $50 on the same game?

"But What about EA? They release the same games each year!"

Fuck EA! Adults like Football and Basketball, so they like to play Football and Basketball games! Why are you, Mr. "thirdlineITsupport" Man going to a shop, laying money on the table, and encouraging this type of bullshit to continue?

Not only that, but why the fuck do you then go onto the Internet, and chat with other balding, fat, middle aged geeks, about the fucking game? The very same game, whereby, 15 minutes earlier, you were online with a 9 year old, getting you ass handed to you by his fucking Charizard!